Do you remember what you were doing that weekend? I do.
I was determined to have one last fling with someone I knew I would never be with again. Someone I loved very much. It was over between us. It had been since the beginning of that summer.
But a trip to Israel over the summer and then a few weeks hanging out in NY before school began in Boston, and all those feelings of regret and secretly hoping that I could change his mind, led me to disregard my friends' advice. I soon found myself making an excuse to go over and visit with him. Deep inside I knew that by being there, it wouldn't change anything, that he still wanted the relationship to end, but I missed him so much, I just wanted to sleep in his arms again, to be able to make love to him one more time. And I got what what I wished for - man, men are easy. It truly doesn't take much for them to give in, especially when you are a cute and sexy 21 year old.
But karma has a way of biting you in the ass when you least expect it. It doesn't like to be screwed with or else you'll get screwed.
A month and half later, I had to make a choice. And thank god, I was able to make that choice legally and safely.
Every now and then I will think about 'what if', but never with any sadness or regret. I've never had any regrets for my decision.
It just was the wrong time with the wrong man.